so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
