Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She said her name was "party"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
