so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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