You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How does it feel to date your dad?
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