if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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