Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
