The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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