You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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