Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
