We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
