My sheets look like a crime scene.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
be right there i have to get my cape
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
