the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
