I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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