Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
