I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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