did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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