like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
