The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
