What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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