just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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