My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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