Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
