i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
