like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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