Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
