Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
