Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
