theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just high enough for therapy.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
