your room smells of hookers.
And success
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
