Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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