I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
