After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
