i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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