I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
