Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
