where am i from again
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
