can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
