Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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