How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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