So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
