I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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