boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
