Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
