Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My vagina is officially offended.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
