I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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