i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm too high and old for this...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
