Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
