Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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