i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
