your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We're too hungover to prance.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
