Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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