What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
BRING THE BAGELS
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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