how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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