i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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