1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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